Elämässäni on jo hetken aikaa ollut ihminen, johon olen sitoutunut ja, joka on sitoutunut minuun. Emme kuitenkaan ole halunneet määritellä suhdettamme. Ennen kuin nyt.
Aluksi jätimme suhteemme määrittelemättä kumppanini toiveesta. Sana “parisuhde” toi hänelle mieleen liikaa huonoja muistoja. Arkemme muistutti jo monin tavoin parisuhdetta, mutta tahdoin kunnioittaa hänen kokemustaan. Aikaa kului ja hitaasti aloin ymmärtämään asiaa paremmin myös hänen näkökulmastaan. Lopulta askeleemme menivätkin ristiin. Hän oli valmis määrittelemään suhteemme, mutta minä kaipasin vielä aikaa. Minulle syynä oli toistuva tapani mennä liian lähelle. Halusin saada varmuuden siitä, että kykenen pitämään omat rajani ennen kuin alan nimetä suhdettamme niinkin läheiseksi kuin parisuhteeksi. Hän kunnioitti toivettani. Ymmärsimme molemmat, että ihmissuhteet ovat jokus tanssia, jossa askeleet vievät välillä kauemmas, välillä lähemmäs ja toisinaan pyöräyttävät kokonaan ympäri paikkoja vaihtaen.
Nyt kuitenkin kutsumme suhdettamme parisuhteeksi. Mikä siis muuttui? Ei oikeastaan mikään, mutta samalla se tärkein, eli saimme tilaa ja aikaa ajatella. Määrittelemättömyydellä annoimme toisillemme tilaa myös sen taustalla olevien asioiden miettimiseen. Lopulta ne sitten irrottautuivat termistä “parisuhde”. Kumppanilla on yhä ikävät muistonsa ja minulla paha tapani mennä liian lähelle, mutta ne eivät enää vaikuta suhteemme terminologiaan. Ne ovat omat prosessinsa. Suhteemme ei ole myöskään muttunut nyt termin löytymisen myötä. Arki rullaa edelleen omalla painollaan, nyt vain tiedämme millä sanalla voimme kuvata sitä myös muulle maailmalle.
Itsekseen elävä, parisuhdettaan odotteleva ja kirkon nuorisotyönohjaajana työskentelevä transmies. Elämässäni ihmettelen ja pohdiskelen paljon, erityisesti ilmiöitä ihan arkisten asioiden takana. Tekstejäni löydät täältä joka torstai.
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