Pyritkö pitämään kaikkia lankoja käsissäsi? Tiedätkö parhaiten, mikä on hyväksi lapsille? Vahditko toisten tekemisiä? Mikään ei ole kyllin hyvää ja riittävää? Väsyttääkö, toisen vastuuttomuus ketuttaa vähän älyttömästi, onko taipumusta heittäytyä marttyyrin rooliin?
Ihan omasta kokemuksesta tässä kirjoittelen. Ylivastuullinen perfektionisti lukee kysymyksiä ja tuntee kyllä, että osuu aika lähelle. Peiliin katsominen on tuskallista ja niin tarpeellista. Jos ei katso, ei voi muuttua.
Ylivastuullinen on usein se, jota sormella osoitellaan. Lähimaaston ihmisillä riittää usein puhetta siitä, miten se toinen määrää kaapin paikkaa ja pitää toista tossun alla. Sanotaanpa sitäkin, että kai jos et anna vastuuta, ei toinen voi sitä ottaakaan.
Jokainen meistä varmaan, jos oikein pinnistelee, ymmärtää molempia osapuolia ihan hyvin. Itse en haluaisi ymmärtää alivastuullisia, mutta ymmärrän silti. Ylivastuullinen ja alivastuullinen ovat oiva pariskunta noin alun alkaen, kunnes alkaa oireilu ja mahdolliset paranemisprosessit.
Minä, tunnustan, olin avioliitossani kontrolloija. Ja kaikissa seurustelusuhteissani sitä ennen. Ja kotonakotona asuessani myöskin. Olen pinnistellyt itseni uuvuksiin asti monta kertaa. Kun pitää huolehtia niin paljon kaikesta yksin. Ja uhrihuokaus päälle.
Olen kyllä lukenut tästä, mutta kun teoria yhdistyy omaan kokemukseen, syntyy usein paras oppimiskokemus. Minä ymmärrän nyt myös ylivastuullisuuteen taipuvaista. Sisäinen puhe saattaa ylivastuullisella perfektionistilla olla aika ankaraa.
Paljosta puheesta ja kauniista ajatuksista huolimatta voi olla niinkin, ettei pariskunnan toinen osapuoli ota vastuuta, vaikka kuinka yrittää sitä antaa ja lopulta pakottaa niin, että tekee mieli kirkua. Kun toinen heittäytyy kapinoivaksi teiniksi ja toiselle lankeaa vastuullisen vanhemman rooli, on hermot joskus jokseenkin kireällä.
Oma havaintoni liittyy suhteessa hengittämiseen. Olen ihmetellyt sitä, miten joillakin on ihan oikeasti hyvä olo suhteissaan. Miettinyt, että mihin se liittyy. Kunnes yhtenä päivänä tässä huomasin hengittäväni. Sen miehen rinnalla joka jakaa vastuuta kanssani; ottaa kopin yhteisistä asioista, tarjoaa apua ja osallistuu. Eikä tuossa vielä kaikki; vastuu on tekoja, mutta se on myös ajattelutapa. Kun vastuun ymmärtää toisen kanssa samalla tavalla, on hengittäminen entistäkin helpompaa.
Että mietitään tätä. Yhdessä ja erikseen.
Olen 43-vuotias kahden koululaisen äiti, sielunhoidon tuntiopettaja ja tutkija, terapeutti, pappi, mindfulness-, eroseminaari-, asahi- ja ryhmäliikunnanohjaaja ja kokonaisvaltaisen hyvinvoinnin puolestapuhuja. Blogiteksteissäni käsittelen oman työni ja eletyn elämäni kautta parisuhteen ja rakkauden eri puolia. Seuraava eroseminaarini aloittaa 17.10.2017. Käy vilkaisemassa www.miiamoisio.fi tai facebookissa: Miia Moisio - Hyväksyvää läsnäoloa
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