Onko väärin kaivata kumppania?

Monelle ihmiselle yksinäisyys on todellinen ongelma ja elämänkumppanin kaipuu kipeä asia. Paljon puhutaan siitä, miten ensin pitää oppia olemaan yksin ja olemaan sinut itsensä kanssa ennen kuin on valmis parisuhteeseen. On tietysti hyvä osata olla myös yksinään, toinen kun ei koko ajan voi olla lähimaastossa. Ja huolestuttavaa tietysti on, jos riippuvuus toisesta on niin suurta, ettei erossa voi olla ollenkaan.

Moni kysyykin, kun näitä ulkoapäin tulevia vaatimuksia tulee, että onko minulle edes oikeus kaivata kumppania, sitä omaa ihmistä, jonka kanssa voi jakaa ilot ja surut. Ystävien kanssa voi toki jakaa asioita. Yksi juttu taitaa olla sekin, että verkostomme ovat tänä päivänä jossain määriä hataria. Parisuhteettomuus on varmasti sitä isompi kipu, mitä yksinäisemmäksi ihminen muuten itsensä tuntee.

Olen ihan viime aikoina herännyt miettimään vuorovaikutusta ihmissuhteissa. Niin harvoin tiedämme, mitä ihmisillemme ihan oikeasti kuuluu. Vuorovaikutuksemme lähisuhteissa (deittimaailmassa tämä vasta kukkii ja kukoistaa) nojaa paljon luulemisiin ja oletuksiin, omiin odotuksiin ja pettymyksiin. Henkinen yksinäisyys on varmasti yksi seuraus juuri tästä. Seuraavassa blogitekstissäni kirjoitan aiheesta enemmänkin.

Ja vaikka kavereita olisi kuinka, ei ystävyyssuhde yleensä vastaa fyysisiin tarpeisiin. Kosketuksenkaipuusta särkevän ihon hoitamiseen ei satunnainen hali riitä. Kipuun saatetaan tarvita vierihoitoa, kainaloterapiaa ja kokovartalokosketusta.

Ihminen on aina keskeneräinen. Jos meillä olisi lupa vain valmiina elää parisuhteissa, taitaisimme kaikki elää sinkkuina alusta loppuun asti. Ja sitä paitsi: vaikka kuinka olisi kiviään käännellyt ennen parisuhdetta, saa usein lisää kaiveltavaa, kun kumppani tulee eteen. Oman kokemukseni mukaan kipeimmät kivut nousevat piiloistaan näkyville, kun oikeanlainen peili osuu kohdalle. Siinä tuiverruksessa joskus saattaa hiipiä mieleen ajatus siitä, että yksin eläminen oli sittenkin aika helppoa :)

Ehkä yksinään ja rakkauden odottamisen olotilassa elävä voi miettiä, miksi parisuhdetta kaipaa eli pyrkiä tulemaan tietoiseksi siitä, miksi parisuhde tuntuu niin tärkeältä. Syyt voivat olla mitä tahansa. Sen sijaan että tuomitsee omia vaikuttimiaan parisuhdekaipuulle, voiko ne hyväksyä?

Ei ole väärin kaivata kumppania, liittyminen toisiin on perustarpeemme. Suurin osa meistä kaipaa kuulua johonkin ja jollekulle ihan kokonaan. Elämä hyvässä parisuhteessa on ilo ja jonkinlainen täyttymys – kai sen saa ääneenkin sanoa?

Olen 43-vuotias kahden koululaisen äiti, sielunhoidon tuntiopettaja ja tutkija, terapeutti, pappi, mindfulness-, eroseminaari-, asahi- ja ryhmäliikunnanohjaaja ja kokonaisvaltaisen hyvinvoinnin puolestapuhuja. Blogiteksteissäni käsittelen oman työni ja eletyn elämäni kautta parisuhteen ja rakkauden eri puolia. Seuraava eroseminaarini aloittaa 17.10.2017. Käy vilkaisemassa www.miiamoisio.fi tai facebookissa: Miia Moisio - Hyväksyvää läsnäoloa

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