Pieni tulitikkutyttö rakastaa

 

Törmäsin sattumalta ystävääni joka kysyi miten vietän jouluani. Kerroin, että olin ajatellut viettää tämän joulun kahdestaan rakkaani kanssa. Jouluaterioita kynttelikköjen valossa. Käsi kädessä kävelyä jouluvalaistussa kaupungissa ja hautausmaiden lyhtymeressä. Kiireetöntä yhdessäoloa toistemme lämmössä. Ystäväni kertoi, että hän viettää ensimmäistä kertaa joulua yksin.

Olen viettänyt elämässäni monenlaisia jouluja, joulua myös tämän ystäväni kanssa. Lapsuuteni jouluina piti pelätä vain sitä, että jos lunta ei ole riittävästi, joulupukki ei pääse tuomaan lahjoja reellä. Nuoruuden monina jouluina olen ollut töissä hoitajana sairaaloissa. Olen kokenut jännitteisiä, joskus jopa riitaisia sukujouluja oman suvun ja puolison suvun kanssa. Olen viettänyt pikkulapsivaiheen touhukkaita ydinperhejouluja, mutta myös ensimmäistä eronjälkeistä joulua lasteni kanssa. Olen saattanut lapseni joulunviettoon entisen puolisoni uuteen perheeseen ja viettänyt jouluja yksin tai yksinelävien ystävieni kanssa. Olen halunnut unohtaa joulun ja lähtenyt ulkomaille. Olen viettänyt joulua myös monin samoin tavoin ja tunnelmin kuin mitä asiakkaani minulle ovat viime päivinä kertoneet tulevasta joulustaan. He ovat kuvanneet ahdistavia elämäntilanteitaan, kertoneet tarinoita yksinäisyydestä, yhteydettömyydestä, erossa olemisesta, jäätävästä kylmyydestä ja etäisyydestä, repivistä riidoista, pelosta, petetyksi ja jätetyksi tulemisesta, luopumisesta, äärimmäisestä ahdistuneisuudesta ja elämänilottomuudesta.

Niin monille on tulossa raskas joulu. Jostain syystä nuo viime päivien tarinat ovat koskettaneet minua vielä syvemmin kuin aiempina vuosina. Kenties siksi, että minun jouluni on tällä kertaa niin täynnä rakkautta ja valoa. Olen ajatellut ystävääni ja noita kaikkia ihmisiä elämäntilanteissaan. Olen miettinyt lastenkirjojen ja jouluelokuvien kertomuksia, joissa joulurauha laskeutuu kaikkien sydämiin ja joulun kirkkaus loistaa jokaiselle. Joulustressi, tekemätön joulusiivous, palaneet piparit, hankkimatta olevat joululahjat, rasittavat sukulaiset ja kaikkinainen epätäydellinen joulu, ovat tavallisen elämän ylellisyyttä. On niin paljon sydämiä, joita joulun kirkkaus ei valaise ja joulun rauha ei rauhoita.

Kysyin mieheltäni, voisimmeko sittenkin kutsua jouluumme ystäväni ja lisäksi pari muutakin yksin tai hankalassa elämäntilanteessa jouluaan viettävää ystävääni. Hän vastasi, että kyllä, tietenkin. Siksikin rakastan häntä. En kutsu jouluuni ystäviäni siksi, että olisin erityisen hyvä ihminen noin yleisesti tai edes jouluna. Kutsun heidät siksi, että he ovat lahjoja, valoja elämässäni ja siksi, että pieni tulitikkutyttö satu on niin totta monille meistä, tänäkin jouluna.

 

Olen perheneuvoja, paripsykoterapeutti, traumapsykoterapeutti. Työni ja intohimoni on ihmetellä ja tutkia parisuhderakkautta. Asiakkaani, elokuvat, musiikki, taide ja elämä opettavat minulle siitä lisää päivittäin.

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